


Nothing But My Aching Soul

by 7_Magpies



Series: Shyan Song Fics [4]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Language, Old Age, Pining, Shane Madej In Love, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Song: Young & Beautiful (Lana Del Rey), Two old men, decades of pining, i love them, look at these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: Decades in the future, Shane is in a retirement home and telling a new friend about his old friend.-----"Shane shook his head, his eyes growing soft. 'No, I’ve not seen him in a long time. Not since he was in his forties. I know he’s in his seventies, but I still think of him as I remember him.''How do you remember him?' Macy asked, leaning forward and cupping her chin in her hand.'Young, strong… he was beautiful… I was a little bit in love with him, you know?'"-----This is somewhat inspired by "Young and Beautiful" by Lana del Rey. This is a one shot and not related to previous works in this series.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Shyan Song Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857880
Comments: 35
Kudos: 150





	Nothing But My Aching Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! I don't think it's a common trope, so I think it may be a little bit unique in this fandom. 
> 
> This isn't quite as much of a song fic as others in this series, but I really enjoyed writing it! Even though it made me kind of sad.

_“Will you still love me_

_when I’m no longer_

_young and beautiful?_

_Will you still love me_

_when I’ve got nothing_

_but my achin’ soul?”_

Macy didn’t necessarily enjoy her job at the senior center. Half of the people she worked with couldn’t keep their mind long enough to have a conversation, and the _smell_ in most of the rooms made her gag.

But, a job’s a job, and a girl’s gotta eat. Her coworkers weren’t too bad, and every now and then she’d learn something pretty interesting from one of the guests when she helped cut up the food for some of them. 

She talked to her friend, Jeremy, in the kitchen when she was getting a tray to bring to the new patient’s room. “Do you know anything about him?” Jeremy had asked.

“Not a lot. Just that he used to be fairly famous. Not like a movie star, but back when YouTube was a thing he had some shows.”

“YouTube?” he asked incredulously. “That was _ages_ ago!”

Macy shrugged, rolling the cart towards the room. “I’ll see what I can learn from him and let you know. Maybe he’s not entirely senile yet.”

“I wouldn’t cross your fingers!” Jeremy shouted after her, and she heard him mutter something that sounded like “ _Youtube?_ No fucking way” under his breath. 

Macy knocked on the door labelled with the name “S. Madej.”

“Come in” said a clear voice from inside.

She opened the door and rolled the cart in. “Hello, Mr. Mad-edge-”

“Ma- _day_ ,” he corrected. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I hadn’t heard anyone say it out loud.” She looked up at him for the first time and was surprised by what she saw. 

He was tall. Even with his sloped shoulders he was well over six feet, and standing against a counter sipping a mug of coffee. His hair was a gunmetal gray with white at the temples, and his downturned eyes had crow’s feet that deepened when he smiled. “It’s not a problem,” he said jovially, and walked over to his rocking chair with a lightness in his feet she wasn’t expecting. He had to be almost ninety years old, but she wouldn’t have believed it if not for the hair and wrinkles. “Polish names always through people for a loop. Just call me Shane, it’s easier on everyone…” he squinted through his thick lenses at her nametag “Macy?” 

“Yes, sir, I brought you lunch.” She rolled the cart over and handed him the tray. “Do you need any help cutting anything up?”

He shook his head, but seemed to think for a moment. “Would you mind staying in here, though? My family’s just left, and I’d like to have a friendly face to talk to.”

She smiled and sat on the couch beside the rocker. The kitchen wasn’t expecting her back for at least half an hour, and she could already tell this man’s company would be preferable to a number of other guests. _At least he doesn’t slobber everywhere_ she thought with relief. “Absolutely, sir. So, I hear you used to be on YouTube?”

He grinned at her again and started cutting up his lasagna. “I was. Do you know anything about Buzzfeed?” He looked up at her puzzled expression. “I assume not. How about Watcher?”

She did nod at that. “Right, my mom watches their videos, she says she watched it when she was younger.”

“I helped found it.”

Macy felt her jaw go slack but she schooled her features. A number of guests had helped start companies, but never any she was actually _familiar_ with. “That’s… that’s pretty neat,” she finally said. 

“I like to think so,” he said, smiling again. “It was me and two friends. Steven and Ryan.” 

Macy thought she was pretty good at reading people. She had learned what subjects to avoid and what to press on just by how the guests said different words. The way Shane said the name “Ryan,” that was definitely a subject she had to learn more about. She had to find out why his eyes went downcast even as his lips quirked up in a smile. 

“You met them at Buzz…” she forgot the last half of the company. 

“Buzzfeed, yes. I met Steven later, but Ryan and I interned at the same time. Every video series I ever did, he made his way on it. We were a ‘package deal.’ You get one ghoul boy, you get ‘em both.” Even though his tone was happy, there was a sadness in his crinkly eyes. 

“Where is Ryan?”

“Oh, you know, probably married. Back in California. I came back here to Illinois to take care of my parents, and ended up retiring and never going back. Haven’t talked to Ryan in awhile.”

“Well, why not?” 

He sighed deeply. “I don’t think I even know how to contact him anymore.” He shook his head, as though trying to knock some memories back into place. “He’s probably doing well. A guy like that, you can’t help but love him.” After that admission he coughed and looked up at Macy as though he hadn’t just bared his heart. “This lasagna isn’t bad, but do you have any pie?”

——-

That night, Macy searched the internet for Shane Madej. She came across old photos and videos of him. “He wasn’t bad looking,” she said to her cat, who was sitting next to her on the couch. “Kinda goofy, but not bad.” As she scrolled, though, she found a photo that made her take pause. 

There was Shane, sitting at a bar table, with his face cupped in his chin, looking at another man with almost palpable fondness. The other man was shorter, with bronze skin, black hair, and smiling widely back at Shane.

“Hello, Ryan,” she said softly to the screen. Looking at the info on the picture, she got a last name. “Ryan Bergara,” Macy said to her cat. “Probably a rare name. Should be easy to find.”

He was. Less than a minute later, Macy scrolled through a number of photos and videos of him. “He’s divorced, Ani,” Macy said, reading through an entry on him in an online encyclopedia. She finally found a recent photo of him. He was a little more wrinkled, and his muscles less defined than when he was in his twenties, and his dark hair was spotted with gray and white.

His smile, though, was unmistakable. “I wonder if Shane has seen a photo of him recently,” she mused to Ani, stroking his orange fur. “I wonder…”

\-----

Over the next couple of weeks, Macy sat in Shane’s room during lunch every day, listening to him tell stories. Ryan always made an appearance in them, somewhere. 

Once, Shane talked about when he and Ryan ate so much pie they thought they were going to die. “I made a pie myself, too. It wasn’t too bad if I do say so myself,” he added with a wink that Macy was learning was characteristic. 

Another time, he talked about Ryan trying to tell a ghost to knock him down a flight of stairs, and dancing to try and taunt them. “His dancing was _atrocious_ , Macy. It was so bad that _I_ wanted to push him down the damn stairs.”

Macy thought her favorite story was probably about a house in Kansas. Ryan and Shane used to go to haunted houses (“they weren’t actually haunted, that’s not even possible, but Ryan thought they were”) and sometimes stay the night. They had tried to communicate with the spirit there using a flashlight (“which is not scientific _at all_ , might I add”) and telling it when to turn it on and off.

“He screamed so loud, I thought he was going to lose his voice,” Shane said laughing, and Macy was chuckling along with him. 

They had tried to stay the night, but Ryan got scared (“he was so scared he even moved his sleeping bag closer to mine”) they left earlier. 

“I tried to calm him down, told him that flashlights might just be like that, y’know? He was so freaked out, though!” He was laughing again. “Apparently, that night started a common theme of him having nightmares where I died in brutal ways. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing,” he added wryly. 

\-----

Macy got promoted a few months after Shane moved into the residence, and was stationed in the common area to play board games with the guests that were able to. Shane was in every day, and they would play a different game all the time. She would tell Shane about her cat, who apparently looked just like Shane’s old one, and both shared the name of Star Wars characters. Shane, for his part, would tell her a new story each day.

He told Macy about a show they filmed called “Tourist Trapped” where he took Ryan bowling and to eat tacos, and Ryan took him to a wax museum and a theme park. “According to a food critic, I picked the best restaurant,” he told her on Monday. “Also, checkmate.”

He told Macy about stealing a bridge from a demon called Goatman. “He brought a damn Super Soaker filled with Holy Water!” he exclaimed on Tuesday. “And king me.”

He told Macy about some of Ryan’s more outlandish theories he tried to pass of as plausible. “Then he tried to say that Roanoke Colony vanished because of zombies. _Zombies,_ Macy,” he said pointedly on Wednesday. “By the way, you didn’t say Uno. Draw four.”

He told Macy about the Dancing Plague of 1518. “I did an episode about in on my show, Puppet History. Ryan thought it was hilarious, even though people died,” he mused on Thursday. “F7, I know that sunk your Battleship.”

He told Macy about Ryan interviewing him at an amusement park. “He knew where all the jump scares were, and still freaked out everytime,” he laughed on Friday. “It was Mr. Plum in the Library with the Candlestick, just so you know.”

\-----

“Have you seen him lately?” Macy asked the next Monday, while Shane was beating her soundly Monopoly.

Shane shook his head, his eyes growing soft. “No, I’ve not seen him in a long time. Not since he was in his forties. I know he’s in his seventies, but I still think of him as I remember him.”

“How do you remember him?” Macy asked, leaning forward and cupping her chin in her hand.

“Young, strong, an absolute _idiot_ , he thought that hair was _connected to the skull_ ,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “He was… he was beautiful. He was kind, and funny, and handsome… I was a little bit in love with him, you know?”

Macy just smiled and pat her friend’s hand. “I know, Shane.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Absolutely. But it’s sweet. And I’ve seen the pictures, you weren’t wrong on the handsome bit. Not necessarily my type, but I can definitely appreciate nice cheekbones,” she said with a lopsided grin.

Shane laughed, and this time it did meet his eyes. “Those damn cheekbones,” he murmured.

“Would you like to see him again sometime?”

He thought for a moment. “I’m kind of scared. Part of why I didn’t go back to California when I retired was I just… he was married.”

“Not anymore. He’s divorced.”

Shane almost knocked his Boardwalk deed to the floor. “He is?”

She nodded, pretending she didn’t see. “Yeah, has been a few years. Did you ever marry?”

“No, I didn’t,” he said, his voice trailing off. 

She knew it rattled him, because she ended up winning the game. 

\-----

  
  


“Where are you taking me, Mace? My old bones aren’t made for travel anymore, you know.” 

Macy just rolled her eyes. “You’re more fit for travel than people my age,” she said. They had their arms looped together and were walking through a park. It was fall, and the leaves were all fading their colors. She pulled her beanie down further on her ears and Shane looked at her funny. 

“Not like my beanie?” she asked.

“No, it suits you.” He pushed her black hair back behind her ear, and she could tell his mind was decades away. She knew her black hair and dark complexion sometimes reminded him of his old friend. Sometimes she wore something and would find out it resembled something Ryan used to wear. 

She led him to a railing and stood next to another man that was already there. “You think about Ryan a lot,” she observed. 

“Every day,” he sighed.

“Well you could’ve called, big guy.”

Shane’s eyes went wide and he spun to face the man that was already standing at the railing. “Ry- Ryan?” His voice was softer than Macy had ever heard it. She moved from between them and watched her friend’s expression. His eyes went wide and he gripped the railing, looking at Ryan’s face. 

“Shit, man, you got old,” Ryan said, smiling that bright smile she had seen in the photos of him and Shane. 

“You… you look good. Except, are you shorter?”

Ryan leaned his head back and laughed. “I’ve missed you, man.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his old friend, and Shane’s eyes got misty. 

“I’ve missed you too, Ry. I’ve missed you so damn much.”

“I’m gonna sit over here, Shane,” Macy said. “Let me know when you guys want to go inside.” 

Shane pulled back from Ryan and walked over to hug Macy. “Thank you, Mace. Thank you.”

She hugged him back. “Take your time, you two.”

\-----

Shane and Ryan sat next to each other on a park bench. “How have you been, man?” the shorter asked.

“Not bad. Made a friend, as you can see.”

Ryan nodded, smiling widely. “She’s a good kid. She’s been emailing everyone at Watcher trying to get in contact with me. They wanted to video this, but… I wanted it to just be us.”

“I appreciate that. I’m… I’m sorry, man.” He put a hand between them on the bench, slouching back. “I shouldn’t have stayed out of touch for so long.”

Ryan covered Shane’s long fingers with his own. “No, you shouldn’t have. Why did you?”

Shane looked at their hands, thinking for a moment. “You were married. I loved you. I still do.”

“Even though I’m not young and beautiful anymore?” Ryan asked with a half smirk.

“You’ll always be beautiful to me, Ryan,” Shane said in a low voice. He scooted closer to Ryan on the bench and gently placed his hand on the shorter’s cheek. Ryan leaned into the touch a little bit, and Shane rubbed his thumb across Ryan’s cheekbone. “Still got those damn cheekbones,” he said softly.

“I’ve wanted to do this for decades,” Ryan said.

Shane frowned in confusion, but before he could ask, Ryan’s lips met his own. 

They kissed softly for a few seconds before pulling apart. “Damn,” Shane said softly.

Ryan laughed and kissed him again. “Look at us old idiots sitting here kissing like a couple of teenagers.”

“We should have done this earlier. I’ve missed you.”

“Me too, big guy. Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, friends! Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always greatly appreciated!!


End file.
